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Today I went to get a massage. I have three saved free massages built up and only 4 weeks to use them in…um, speaking of, I’m moving. To Maryland. In about a month. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH. Too…overwhelmed…can’t….talk…about…moving… so stay tuned. Details to follow.
Anyway, me, massage. Since I had Steven the Sk8ter Boi with the hands of gold, I’ve been sticking with male masseuses. What can I say, I like firm massages (not a euphemism.) Today, though, I had Michelle. Not to fret though, Michelle might have been skinny, but her hands were about the size of my head, and she had some strength going for her. She was thrilled to find out that I was an OT and would understand her anatomical terms. So she proceeded to systematically find and “release” my pressure points and narrate what is so wrong with my body that my back is consistently one giant knot.
First of all, I am medially rotated all down my spine but particularly in my scapular region. Second of all, my IT bands on both thighs are abnormally and inexplicably tight. Finally, to end on a positive note, while my right back muscles are way tighter than my left back muscles, overall I present with a well-maintained, very balanced body structure. See that, I am capable of balance! At least musculoskeletally.
Related to that, Michelle must have had to tell me to relax 15 times in one hour. Obviously it is hard to be relaxed when your pisiform muscle is being forcefully manually “released” by a woman with man hands, but even when she wasn’t working on me she had to tell me to relax because my body’s natural state is just short of stretched rubber band in terms of laxity. I started to explain about how at work today I had one woman burst into tears at the mention of therapy, another man say “Why should I put on underwear when I’m not going anywhere?” and another man overflow a bedpan with a massive bowel movement, and to tell her that I was moving (AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH), and so on and so forth, but even thinking the sentences made my arms curl back up like stretched Slinkies, so I just stayed silent. And listened to the wind chimes in the music like Michelle told me to.
Anyway, so in order to be less medially rotated and knotted and tight, I am to do daily hip rotator stretches, spend 10 minutes a day with my spine propped on a rolled towel with my arms out to the sides ala Tickle-Me-Elmo to “open up” my pectorals, and to lie with a bag of ice under my right rhomboid every night right before bed. Feel free to enjoy those mental images. And, as you might have guessed, I left the massage not so much relaxed as feeling EXTREMELY educated.
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Yesterday I walked around UVA's Grounds and managed to crash not 1 but 3 weddings. I did not, however, party like a champion.
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So, in my mind, mentally going through my closet and thinking which clothes I am donating to Goodwill and carrying in my coworker's generously donated boxes from my car into my apartment counts as packing. So I have officially started packing. Go me!
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Finally, a Lulu kiss to say goodnight. Have a good week!
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