This weekend I went to Colorado. More specifically, from Charlottesville to Richmond to Dallas to Denver, and back again. It was a wonderful trip to see my wonderful friends--I am officially in love with Colorado. And officially sad I don't live on the West Coast with the majority of the BU crew so we could see each other more often!
The one aspect to the trip I could maybe have done without was the volume of time spent traveling. I spent a lot of time in the airport, and, as you might imagine, had a lot of thoughts about airports and traveling and so on. In case you were wondering: here they are.
* How is it that as a native (and largely) indwelling Virginian for 28 years, I have never ONCE used the Richmond airport? Clearly this is a lie--I have to have used it at some point? Right? And my memory's failed me? Who knows. If it is the first time, it's very odd.
*Spending time at the terminal, you have to wonder how many of the teenaged or college-aged boys sitting at the gate waiting to boar, feeling all bad-ass and hardcore with the Ed Hardy t-shirts, edgy baseball hats, and Iphones blasting rap music loud enough for me to hear across the aisle, realize that in 15 years they will have morphed into the men walking by them. You know, the men with the thinning hair, suburban dad uniforms of khaki shorts, polo shirts, and those Tevas with the heel straps, who are pulling neon pink miniature rolling suitcases that say "Barbie" or "Princess" with one hand and using the other to hold onto to tiny pigtailed pouting moppets. Because in 15 years those boys will be those men. It's the true sign of male maturity and domestication in this culture--carrying a Princess Jasmine suitcase without a second thought. Luckily for you guys, most girls seem to think good daddy-hood is MUCH sexier than Ed Hardy.
* Related note on fashion (cause I hate Ed Hardy. Ugh.) When did the airport become a runway?? (or a beach--aren't you freezing in your tank top and short shorts??) Obviously not everyone is lazy enough to wear gym clothes like me (humor me, I'm almost 30 and my window of opportunity for wearing yoga pants in public is narrowing) but what is with the going to the other extreme? First of all, I find normal jeans minorly restrictive--how can anyone handle 6 hours in a tiny seat in skintight skinny jeans?? Isn't there chafing? Button impressions on the skin of your stomach? And the shoes these women wear! I have no patience for the girls who take 10 minutes in the security line unstrapping and restrapping their calf-height gladiator sandals. I fall off kitten heels, so I know my perspective is skewed, but walking the length of the Richmond airport in leopard-print stilettos seems almost masochistic. I don't get it. Women of America (and other places): Yes, you deserve to dress how you want and to feel sexy all the time and not be judged. But please. If there is ever a place to break free from the chains of culturally mandated "attractiveness," the airport is it. And by the way, I'm judging you for trying so friggin' hard. Just fyi.
*I went through a TSA full body scanner for the first time in Richmond. Verrrrryyy...anticlimactic. I mean, the guy barely looked at the picture, how is a girl supposed to feel unfairly ogled and get all indignent? And if I step into a tube, raise my arms, and let a 7-foot-tall scanner go "zoooooom" around me, I expect to step out wearing an Iron Man costume. Or a Superman one--those leggings look comfortable (am I the only one obsessed with being comfortable on planes???) Also, those little footprints in there are way too far apart. I needed to have stretched before I tried that position. Finally, in terms of effectiveness, I forgot to take off my watch and they didn't even care. Well, hmph.
This brings me to a very important fact--I CARRIED ON, I CARRIED ON!!! For the first time in years, I got all my shit in a carry-on sized bag. (I will pause for the round of applause...thank you.) I carried on for practical reasons, mainly, so that while i was waiting for my friends to land in Denver I could hang out in the terminal rather than the baggage claim. This worked well, but in all honesty, the packing almost killed me. I may have cried. And I didn't really escape my packing demons--while I limited myself to merely carried-on size toiletries, I managed to squeeze in 2 of everything--2 face washes, 2 body lotions, etc. I think that means I officially did not travel light.
The other tough aspect of carrying on was carry-on anxiety. I was freaking the eff out the whole time. I tested the suitcase in the carry-on gadget at the check-in counter, but I was convinced it wasn't going to actually fit in the overhead compartment. In my warped brain, I was going to be THAT girl, the one who beheaded or de-toed someone trying to maneuver down the Oompa-Loompa sized aisle, or the one who held up aisle traffic struggling to shove in my bag or the one who got to her seat in the back but couldn't find room and thus had to fight back up to the front to put it up over row 1. Of course, none of these catastrophes occurred but Probably aged ten years from anticipatory stress.
Also, there was security stress. In Richmond the TSA lady at the belt picked up my suitcase as it came out of the scanner and said, "Let's go over here," leading me to the nearby bench. I felt my heart drop. They'd found the scissors that I inexplicably brought to Denver. Or facewash # 2 had fallen out of the quart-size bag (PS, why oh why can't we use gallon-sized? Getting three days worth of toiletries into a quart size was like trying to do a Rubik's cube.) "Ohmygod" I said, as breathlessly as you'd expect. "DidIleavesomethinginmybagI'msosorryI'mjuststupid..." TSA lady looked at me bug-eyed. "Honey, I was just helping you move over here to feel less rushed," she told me.
Right.
cool as a cucumber, that's me. And not at ALL suspicious or shady.
You will not be surprised to hear after all that anxiety I checked my bag ont he way back. $25 of pure stress relief.
*I like people. Really, I do. I know I seem like a misanthrope of the Larry David variety, but it's not true! I work in a people profession, after all! When I do bitch about people, what I'm really bitching about is the chucklehead (or heads) who is making things harder for the rest of their species.
You run into a lot of these geniuses while traveling. On the trip to Denver, one man waited patiently until the announcement was made that all the overhead compartments were full, all passengers should be in their seats, and we were ready to take off. After that, he proceeded to stand up from his window seat and move up 5 rows to the empty window seat by his wife. But he wasn't content just to make all those other people move; he had to take his bag with him. That meant he had to open up the overhead compartment, remove his bag from its neatly packed position, bang it up the aisle (including into my shoulder--you see why I didn't want to be THAT girl), and attempt to jam it into the very full compartment over his new seat. He was not deterred by the flight attendant who came up behind him to re-explain the obvious fact that there was no room, nor by the tense overhead announcement that we would not be leaving the gate until all passengers were seated, nor by the incredible death glares shot his way by his fellow travelers. No, dammit, he was going to make it work, common sense, courtesy, and potential field marshalls be dammed. And by virtue of sheer strength and pure lack of consideration for the fellow bags, he did. He flashed a thumbs up sign to the cabin as he sat down, because clearly he had triumphed, and he was as smug as any chucklehead could be. I miraculously resisted the urge to shout out and tell him where he could stick that thumb. Grrr.
* Not to offend my friends from Texas, or who have different political views from mine, or both, but 3 hours in the Dallas-Fort Worth airport stuck listening to Fox News is pretty much my idea of Purgatory. If not Hell. I was ready to kill for some Muzak. Murder and mocking Fox News, definite grounds for damnation.
*Speaking of Texas, and my earlier statements on fashion, men out there, please stop it with the tight jeans. I can get behind the cowboy look. There's something downright charming about a Stetson. And the plaid button-down shirt thing is just fine (although in my opion, kind of an odd choice for bar-hopping). Even cowboy boots can be kind of hot, though I doubt they're practical for airport security. But the tight jeans are just a flat-out no-go.
For one thing, men can have muffin tops. Your beer belly does not look inherently sexier just because it is flopping over a high Wranglers waistband. Secondly, while a lot of my friends tell me they have no problem seeing denim super-snug on a man's rear end, I find it off-putting. This could be because I am in no way a "butt" girl--butts do not equal sexiness to men. (I am, for the record, a shoulders girl. Total sucker for broad, manly shoulders. Can't explain it, I just appreciate it, lol). But I also think it's wrong to know after one casual and unassuming glace to know if the man strutting by wears boxers or briefs. VPLs are not acceptable for either gender. Finally, my earlier point about skinny jeans (made about women) applies here as well. Isn't there an even higher chance of chafing for men? Like, ow. And ew. Just wear something witha little room.
And that is officially enough thinking about THAT.
* Philosophically and intellectually speaking, air travel is in a lot of ways so bizarre to me. I once heard a comedy bit by Louis C.K. about how funny it was that people bitch about not being able to use their cell phone while FLYING 300 MILES AN HOUR 20,000 FEET ABOVE THE EARTH. The point being, once something becomes commonplace, we get so used to it we forget the wonder and just focus on the annoying bits. I bitch about the times when my computer and cell phone blip on me--why don't I remember the 99% of the time where they make my life work so well in ways unthinkable 40 years ago??
To be fair, air travel nowadays does a lot of work towards taking the wonder away. This weekend, there were long layovers, delayed flights, baggage charges, a depressing lack of snacks, rude flight attendants, and so on and so forth. And it FEELS very inconvenient to drive 1.5 hours to Richmond, fly 3 hours to Dallas, wait 2 hours, fly 2 hours to Denver, then do it all again. On the other hand, you know what's REALLY inconvenient? Not being able to go to your friend's 30th birthday party because you don't have the time to drive cross-country.
The other part that's bizarre is how calmly thousands of people line up everyday to fly really high and really fast in metal cans controlled by people we've never met. I'm not really scared of flying. I understand, logically, why it works that a plane can take off and how it can stay in the air--engine power and thrust and Bernoulli's principle and all that. Landing is what freaks me out. All that height and all that speed stopping on 3 relatively tiny wheels? Mind-boggling. And scary.
I should admit here that physics is not my strong point. As in, I've never taken it. I did Advanced Biology senior year of high school instead, and my "science credit" in college was Psychology 101. Boo-yah. God I love liberal arts schools. The fact that I have a Masters of SCIENCE continues to amaze me every time I remember it. So, anyway, it's not surprising I don't really get how planes land. Still not sure it would make me feel better tho.
And yet, despite that, my fellow humans and I frequently volunteer--hell, PAY--to trust our lives to this made of transportation. I know that statistically car crashes are much more common, likely, and therefore more dangerous, but the idea of dropping out of the sky is much more compelling and terrifying. But it is common now, and the whole thing is just bizarre. And forget to appreciate how marvelous it is that's it's possible.
*So those are my thoughts on traveling. My favorite part of it is the candy in the airport (although let me say Snickers peanut butter bars are very disappointing. The peanut butter to caramel ratio is all wrong). Ok, actually my favorite part is the result, when I get to see people I love. So crazy people and airport stays aside, I think I'll keep flying.
Happy Tuesday :)
